Emitte Lucem Et Veritatem

Initially I didn't pay much attention. Then I heard she was morbid creepy and I thought "maybe I like her". Then I saw her on James Lipton and I was transfixed - I realized sort of out of nowhere how astonishingly beautiful she is - an almost unearthly beauty. Transcendent Beauty. I remember thinking "how could I not have noticed this until now?" I liked her more. She gave her Oscar to her mother. I liked her more. She adopted brown kids. I fell in love. Instead of swanning around Hollywood - she ran off to Africa to wear a mammy headscarf and roam the savanna till she busts. I remember my first time to Indonesia, first time to Thailand, India, Bangladesh, Nepal, Pakistan, etc., etc. - how deeply I loved those places - how desperate I am to return - how profoundly they mold the soul. Angelina, Comrade. I just saw the NBC interview. Wow. I love this woman in so many strange and powerful ways. I absolutely fucking love Angelina Jolie more than I can express in one post.

The Real Killer Got Away, Let's Lynch Some Other Brown Guy

Okay, let me get this straight: Moussaoui is a blow-hard zealot who intended to kill Americans, wanted to kill Americans, planned to kill Americans, but didn't actually kill ANY Americans? And now, we want to teach him how evil planning to kill people is - by KILLING HIM? Am I missing something, or is this the twilight zone? Are there really shitbag Americans so bloodthirsty that they want to EXECUTE someone who didn't kill ANYONE to teach him a lesson about the value of life? Is this really happening? Oh wait, are these the same twisted fascists who want to make felons of woman who terminate their pregnancies because Life is inviolable? What kind of evil, life-hating butchers would advocate executing some asshole who didn't kill anyone? (surely not Christians!) GO FIND OSAMA BIN LADEN THE MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR 9/11. The BAD GUY GOT AWAY, and this Moussaoui trial is a disgusting mockery of a sham of a travesty of an injustice of a distraction of a LIE. If we kill this man who has killed no one we prove ourselves to be the evil creatures they assert we are; we validate their reasons for slaughtering us wholesale, and we justify their attack on New York City. There's a fork in the road America: leave this guy locked up and remain the Good Guys, or execute him -- and join the other side.

Top Chef

Most of the riff raff is finally gone, and it's down to handsome and uber- smooth Harold Dieterle (whom I think should win); Tiffani Faison - bisexual tres-talented red-head; Lee Anne Wong - fierce Asian beauty; Dave Martin - hyperemotional flavor queen; and the evil Stephen Asprinio - fake sommelier. Dave is divine, of course, and I'd love to eat anything he cooks. Tiffani seems quite competent and is a real pistol. Lee Anne is a total pro. Harold Dieterle is ultra laid back and has such sharp knife skills (Harold is also strangely sexy, but I think he's straight). Stephen, of course, is unspeakably vile, and should expatriate with Jo De La Rosa - barf. Dave, hang in there. Harold, my money (and tongue) are on you. Tiffani, you rock hard. Lee Anne, you'll succeed anywhere on the planet. And isn't Billy Joel's wife pretty? My mouth is already watering for season two - yum. MY HAROLD DIETERLE FAN PAGE!!!

Real Housewives of Orange County

I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself - like staring at a trainwreck, or watching farm animals fucking - I know I should look away, but I just can't break my gaze. And the whole nightmare is worth it just for the superhot Shane Keough. Vicki Gunvalson is actually admirable. She works full-time while her unemployed hubby rehabs houses. She's a control freak, but a good egg. Jeana Keough is a real peach - a former playmate with mesmerizing eyes and 3 gorgeous kids (see Shane below, wuf!). Lauri Waring is my other favorite - fallen from wealth and power - now living in a small townhouse and working for Vicki to support her family. Lauri is a rockstar (and a "MILF"). Kim 'Shrimp-Tits' Bryant, (Kimberly Bryant) self-proclaimed "trophy wife" is a hideous wreck - a leather skeleton with 27 pounds of breast implants hanging from her rib cage, and horrifying frizzed hair extensions. But she's been diagnosed with cancer so I'll be nice. Finally, Jo De La Rosa - whore to the uber-sleazy Slade Smiley (megalomaniac and king of conspicuous consumption) is a Jerry Springer white-trash wannabe. Her slimy, needle- dicked sugar pimp, Slade, mentions "dusting with Pledge" to which the dumb cunt Jo responds "what's Pledge?" (while golfing slade says: "we're rich, we don't have to be good") Jo is a useless waste of make up and tampons. Get a life Jo, you're disgraceful. Vicki, I respect you. Jeana, I really like you. Kim, God help you. Shane, I want to fuck you. Jo, expatriate quietly. Lauri, I truly admire you... you're one of the realest deals amidst a bogus bunch of botoxed bourgeois bimbos.

Hallelujah Hanoi Jane

I hope everyone saw Barbara Walters interview Jane Fonda on the Charlie Rose show. Wow. Jane's autobiography is out in paperback. If you want to understand the Vietnam war Jane Fonda explains it better than Bob McNamara (whose own admissions have finally vindicated Jane, and condemned the U.S. action in Vietnam). I love Jane Fonda - guardian of the First Amendment and American Hero - with all my heart. Stick to your guns protesters. Time will vindicate the anti-war position and condemn the bloodthirsty warmongers who support the Iraq atrocity. JANE FONDA IS MY FAVORITE GRANDMOTHER. I LOVE JANE!

Dear Lord!

Dear Lord!: I’m 23. skinny, not muscled or ripped, and I’ve fallen totally in love with a super-hot, ripped, older circuity guy who's into muscle boys. I’m contemplating steroids. Should I? - Classic Nerd Contemplates Cycle
Dear CNCC: Drop the syringe and listen bitch. 'Once the skinny nerd guy in that guy’s mind – always the skinny nerd guy in that guy’s mind.' Sure, you may gain a few pounds of muscle, but you’re be a royal cunt to everyone you love and spend all your money, and lose tons of sleep and start taking other drugs to counter the side effects, and run off to L.A. and live with that hooker in West Holly... Oh. I digress. I speak from experience: you can get easily carried away with steroids and they end up being Hell cubed. There’s only one way you’re gonna get this guy you want so badly. Take your 23 year old skinny self back to college and finish your master’s degree, your Ph.D., and two post doctorates. Work very hard and get filthy rich and rock-star famous. Some day your old, skinny ass will get a phone call from his older fat ass, and he’ll need to borrow some money… at that point, you’ll know exactly what to say. [send prayer requests to dearlord@aethlos.com]

Welcome To Cow Town Madge

I'll see you at the United Center on June 14 AND 15.