A Tennyson Tuesday

As when with downcast eyes we muse and brood,
And ebb into a former life, or seem
To lapse far back in a confused dream
To states of mystical similitude;
If one but speaks or hems or stirs his chair,
Ever the wonder waxeth more and more,
So that we say ‘All this hath been before,
All this hath been, I know not when or where.’
So, friend, when first I look’d upon your face,
Our thought gave answer, each to each, so true,
Opposed mirrors each reflecting each—
Altho’ I knew not in what time or place,
Methought that I had often met with you,

And each had lived in the other’s mind and speech.

The Creators

I met someone who has my complete attention. How totally fucking bizarre.

Wrong Sides Fuckwads

Attention Democrat fuckwads: your bleeding hearts are on the WRONG SIDE of this Racial Profiling issue regarding a UAE company operating U.S. ports. Attention Republican fuckwads: your redneck racist miniminds are on the WRONG SIDE of this Racial Profiling Port issue. Democrats - you're supposed to scream bloody murder when anyone even considers the fact someone is Muslim when trying to keep them from blowing you up. Republicans - you're supposed to scream bloody murder when anyone brown gets anywhere near you and your security. You're all such reactionary lemmingtards. This is proof-positive that few things are as IRRATIONAL as politics. If Bill Clinton would have hired this UAE company the Democrats would have hailed it as visionary humanitarianism and the Neocons would have wailed "treason!" in the aisles. This whole episode demonstrates what Lying Idiotic Nitwit Whores comprise the United States Government. All this poltroonery puts me in a Mencken mood - read the Updated Page!

My 'Welcome Back' Plan For Iraq

Withdraw all Americans except private contractors who can implement the following: heli-drop into Iraq $30 billion in armaments: rifles, RPGs, grenades, etc. ($10 billion worth throughout each of the three regions - north, middle, and south.) Drop $1 billion in satellite-link video production equipment: cameras, laptops, satellite phones, etc. Rupert Murdoch will manage the distribution network which will package and broadcast the Civil War on a Pay-Per-View basis. Sell advertising for the Network broadcasts: Phillip Morris and the NRA will be the main sponsors. The programming will air LIVE every Sunday (read: “empty churches”), with Civil War On-Demand throughout the week. Enlist bookies from Vegas to Atlantic City to take bets on the winner: Sunni, Shiite, Kurd or Other. Murdoch will transfer weekly broadcast profits into the Cayman accounts of the seven Jewish Bankers who run the world. Finally, give Saddam Hussein a pair of tighty-whities, some Banana Republic khakis, a Kevlar vest, rifle, megaphone, and a Britney Spears CD - put him in a tank and loose him in the middle of Baghdad. Then I can recline in my lazyboy, crack open an MGD, and tune in: "A Fox News Special Event... The Iraq Civil War Live!... in five, four, three, two, one... ‘Oh-oh say can you see by the dawn's early light........”

You'll Have Democracy Whether You Vote For It Or Not

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Sectarian violence killed more than 130 people across Iraq and left dozens of mosques damaged or in ruins as the United States appealed on Thursday to Sunnis and Shi'ites to step back from the brink of civil war. Dozens of bloody revenge attacks caused the death toll after Wednesday's suspected al Qaeda bombing of one of the holiest shrines in Shi'ite Islam. When is this mockery of a sham of a travesty of a lie of an abomination going to stop? Few things are as scary as unbridled hubris in intensely stupid Texas Christians in places of power. After the psychopathic murdering Tito was gone Croats, Serbs, and Bosnians went their separate ways, and now that the bloodthirsty maniac Hussein has been dethroned the Kurds, Shiites, and Sunnis are going to form their own states: Shiites in the south, Sunnis in the middle, and Kurds in the north. How did iron-fisted dictators get such a bad name? They're great at keeping order. And weren't we friendly with ALL of them when we all shared the USSR as a common enemy? Ahhh... I miss the good ol days when wars were colder and managed by men with triple-digit IQs.

Project Jay

This new apartment has a satellite dish with a zillion channels, which explains why I have hardly posted in the past two weeks, well, that and moving in. I finally took the last load of boxes down to the dumpster today, so I'm moved in, and I got sucked in to the entire season of Project Runway, and now Jay McCarroll's new show: Project Jay. I ADORE Jay, and fuck Heidi Klum for having him make this gorgeous red dress and then back out of wearing it. Shame on her, she's a ditzy bitch who doesn't have as much talent in her whole life as Jay does in his little toe. Heidi Klum is pathetic. Up yours Klum. Jay McCarroll Forever. Television is evil, someone please disconnect my dish.

Dear Lord!

Dear Lord! My best friend has recently quit partying, but I haven’t. I think the rules say we should stay away from each other, but my God, he’s my sistuh, how can I bear this? Must I? —Demon On Sister’s Shoulder; Dear DOSS: Don’t be such a daft crackhead. Be around your sistuh, just leave the powders, pills and (God forbid) glasswear at home. Your friend, for whatever reasons, has made a decision that you should respect, and odds are your sistuh hasn’t quit for good, rather is taking a healthy sebatical from the insalubrious. Support that decision. If you need someone with whom you may do some rock-star street licking, phone up an old trick, or some guy you had mind-blowing drug sex with, roll, fly, screw, whatever. Then clean yourself up, pull your freshly fucked ass together, and go see your sistuh—sober. Lots of us have been there at different times, and we’re not all on the same chemo-calandar. A break is in everyone’s best interest anyway. You’ll feel better, think better, and will be able to return to partying—with better skin.
[send prayer requests to dearlord@aethlos.com]

Happy Birthday Chuck & Abe

On this day in 1809, two of the most famous men of the 19th century were born under very different circum- stances—one in a Kentucky log cabin, the other in an English country house complete with stable and servants' quarters. “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent; it is the one that is most adaptable to change.” —Charles Darwin; “When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.” —Abraham Lincoln; “False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science, for they often endure long; but false views, if supported by some evidence, do little harm, for everyone takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness.” —Charles Darwin; “You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.” —Abraham Lincoln; “The very essence of instinct is that it's followed independently of reason.” —Charles Darwin; “If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my axe.” —Abraham Lincoln.

TICKETS ON SALE NOW!

It's a while till July 7, but I have no idea how fast my opening night will sell out, so if you're a long-time fan, or someone I'm expecting to see opening night, BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW (box office phone: (773) 883-1090). I'm only holding 20 seats back until June, but that is Pride month, and I have queens flying in from all over the planet for opening night... so there will be SRO. [show link] Thank you for all your encouragement... you know this bitter old bitch couldn't do any of this without you. I'm so excited about the show, and unspeakably grateful to you girls. Bring as many people as you can... see you on opening night... I AM NO ONE WITHOUT YOU.

I Believe In Doubt

Harry says it best (as always)... on believers: "The God business is really quite simple. No sane man denies that the universe presents phenomena quite beyond human understanding, and so it is a fair assumption that they are directed by some understanding that is superhuman. But that is as far as sound thought can go. All religions pretend to go further. That is, they pretend to explain the unknowable ... Anyone who pretends to say what God wants or doesn't want, and what the whole show is about, is simply an ass." On doubters: "I can recall no concrete atheist who did not appear to me to be a donkey. To deny any given god is, of course, quite reasonable, but to deny all gods is simply folly. For if there is anything plain about the universe it is that it is governed by law, and if there is anything plain about law it is that it can never be anything but a manifestation of Will." - H.L. Mencken Oh yeah, Superbowl Sunday...more Mencken: "I hate sports as rabidly as a person who loves sports hates common sense." Amen Harry.

Animuslimation

It can't hurt you. It's just a "cartoon". No reason to kill people over cartoons. Cartoons are just humorous, satirical, and/or otherwise creative visual ways to express opinions. My dear Mr. Mencken writes: “…shave a gorilla and it would be almost impossible, at twenty paces, to distinguish him from a heavyweight champion of the world. Skin a chimpanzee, and it would take an autopsy to prove he was not a theologian.” It takes devout theologians to riot about cartoons. Religion is not simply nonsense and superstition... it's a Neurological Disorder. [this post will self destruct]

Signed, Sealed, & Shitting Bricks

I had breakfast with one of my lawyers, then met at the theatre, where I signed the contract. There will be a press release Monday when tickets go on sale, and a full page ad in Gay Chicago this Tuesday. My publicist is freaking out about the blogs. She worked for Warner Bros. when I was there in the nineties, and she's really excellent, so it's hard to argue with her (right M?). I thought moving this blog would be enough separation, but there may be alterations (read "deletions") forthcoming. Ugh. Exhilaration and terror are very similar emotions. I already have knots in my stomach. Oy. Will post all the press as it is released.

Monochrome Monotony

I took another load of stuff to the new pad, and took some more pics. The empty living room and wood floors feel like a stage so, naturally, I started rehearsing. I got to the Richard III schtick (the Gloucester as nellie cokehead), and hit the line "or hew my way out with a bloody ax!" There was a bang on the door. Eek. I opened it to discover a woman affecting the nastiest glare. She spoke: "WHAT is THAT?!" I smiled, "that's Richard the third..." "I don't care if it's King Henry the Fifth!!!" (I gave her a point for that) And not being able to resist that kind of opening, I started in: "Oh for a Muse of FIRE!..." She was not amused (which makes me believe she only knew the title, not the play). "Sorry..." said I, "I'll rehearse at the theater from now on..." "I'm Mrs. X" said she. "I'm Spencer, your new neighbor." She stormed back into her apartment next door. I think we have a recipe for a sitcom bitches. Stay tuned... this could get ugly.