Red, White, and VERY Blue...
In response to some of the foreign (and domestic) email questioning my patriotism I offer a message to America, this country I love so dearly. I accuse America of being so bad... because we ARE bad. We're the baddest-assed sons of bitches that ever jogged in Reeboks. We're three quarters Smith & Wesson, two thirds car wreck, and descended from a stock market crash on our mother's side. You take Germany, France, and Spain, roll them all together and there wouldn't be enough room to park our SUVs. We're the big boys Jack, the original, giant, economy-sized, new and improved ass kickers of recorded history. When we snort coke in Los Angeles people lose their hats in Santa Cruz. And we've got an American Express card with a limit higher than metric numbers even go. Of course American hegemony won't last forever, but we haven't been invaded so far, because there are few pussies alive who have the guts to even try. We drink napalm to get our hearts started in the morning. A rape and a mugging is our way of saying 'cheerio'. Hell itself can't hold our proms and rodeos. We walk taller, talk louder, spit farther, fuck longer, cum harder, and buy more shit than most languages have names for. I'd rather be a junkie in a New York City jail than king, queen, and jack of anywhere else. We can eat countries for breakfast and shit 'em out before lunch. I'm one Oklahoma farm boy who loves this enormous, gaudy, nasty, brilliant, filthy, gorgeous country like my own flesh and blood... and that being said, FUCK YOU AMERICA! We've got a long, intimate relationship ahead of us, and I'm sick of watching you act like a mother fucker. Stick to donuts, NASCAR, liquor, and pornography. Stop invading foreign countries and slaughtering innocent women and children. I fucking love you, and it breaks my heart when you behave like a mindless, rabid animal.
posted by Aethlos at 7:17 PM
23 Comments:
To be American and (too) patriotic is unconstitutional. Which makes sense now a days.
He has GOT to be French to say that! America is the greatest country in the world, and it IS fucked up! But.....why would anyone WANT to live anywhere else?!? How boring would that be? LOVE the post!
A contradition in this beast we call America is that today's consumerist fundamentalist churches rally behind a national leader bent on preserving the state of a nation that sucks up the world's resources like the cum-guzzling whore of babylon. But - you know - don't get me wrong - I'm all for moderation - in large amounts - but the difference for this here bitch - is I know that when you're tappin ass - you got to keep it regional. Fuck globalism and the global oil economy. Act Locally. Think Regionally.
I am cracking up.
So true...you know, you should have done the rebuttal after the State of the Union. This shit is good. Much better than Tim Kaine's speech.
There is this myth that you don't criticize what you love. In fact, if you really love someone/something, you have a responsibility to help them/it when things start going wrong. I love America, too, and I would give my life for it in a heartbeat, but that doesn't mean I have a LOT to criticize.
What the Republicans are afraid of is that our criticisms will be determined to have merit, and that in fact the criticisms don't betray faults with America but faults with them. They would prefer that we just shut up and love Bush [literally and euphemistically].
Love the post... very true. Thanks for stopping by my blog... hope you enjoyed the HNT...
Happy Friday!
I'm pleased that your acerbic observations have not melted with the spring weather. This is an excellent post.
Really great post...glad I came over to visit.
"Stop invading foreign countries and slaughtering innocent women and children."
Truer words have never been spoken. I would only add "men" to that.
I'm an American, and I can't wait for American hegemony to end. Nobody likes a bully--even the bully, deep down inside.
Why is it that people who love their country and are willing to help make it better are the ones who are painted as unpatriotic.
It's the far right who want this country to be nothing more than a mirror image of the old Soviet Union with a controlled press, controlled speech and even controlled thinking.
This whole "America love it or leave it" mentality borders on treason. The United States, for the most part, can hold its head high, wrongs have been address and corrected throughout history. But they were CORRECTED.
What if we decided to turn a blind eye. Isn't that what heppened to Germany in WWII?
i love how you put "CORRECTED" in caps... nice plug for my show!: CORRECTION.
BEG, BORROW, and STEAL.... just cum 2 my show!
;)
marry be? we could have tons of gay babies... do consider.
you know this all reminds me of something i wrote right after the 2004 election, while i was staying in scotland, which i will copy and paste for you here now ::cough::
"I’d entertained the idea of just mucking about the UK, living the life of a gypsy, changing my name to Fantana Brightstar, reading tea leaves and wearing lots of brightly colored head scarves. I’d sleep my nights in a horse-drawn cart and by day, sell battery-operated wool socks for 99 pence a pair to the cold and huddled masses.
But as tempting as that lifestyle seemed to me, the call of my beloved nation beckoned me home. And I realized that she needed me now, probably more than ever.
You see: America is unwell. She’s covered in a red rash caused by a virus called the GOP and it’s spreading all over her body. Only an educated and healthy population can stop the spread of her disease. She’s also suffering from a spell of amnesia and needs psychodynamic therapy sessions in order to remind her of the Constitutional Rights promised to all her citizens – gay and straight, man and woman - when she was just an infant. And, worst of all, she seems to be impregnated [raped] by Christian Fundamentalism and is in dire need of an abortion.
To abandon her now would be the wrong thing to do. Instead, I’ve come home to nurse her back to health."
I'll stand by her. She's a victim of the "Neocon Right" as much as the rest of us. Just a little food for though.
love you babe!
i dare say...that mans had a wax job!
i bet meg's right. AND, if you look closely... he has the yummiest scar. Mmmmmmmm. slurp.
You know I love this post as I am a shameless raunchpolitics gal!! Missed your truthy anger lately.
You might like our google bomb campaign to legitimize the word "Pussiliency". (google it, its a word now!)
Took the evil test and am too ashamed of my own evil to report it to you. -Lily
Now THAT's what I'm talking about. Preach it brother. BTW I found you through beesknees.
Well quite a few responses to your evil test, and then in between- the usual weird banter... but still, interesting.
Just checking in on you.
I'd rather see your tits.
Heard you are up to something. Give me a tag if you will, that poster is still on... if you want it.
E
i heart this post.
A rape and a mugging is our way of saying 'cheerio'.
yuh.
excellent post. you rock.
Just saw you on BGB, thought I would come by and say hey!
just passing by, looking for something on google...and, well, now i have this on my face.
only thing i can say is that i'm praying. i'm praying for you to die. i hope that u choke in your own junk food, and let the rest of the world live in peace. who do u think u are? guardians of what? democracy? do u even understand the meaning of the word?
can you even speak about democracy with the shitty system that u have? -we are...fascist or...uhm...ultrafascist-
really. i hope u die.o at least, that your leaders die, and you rot in your couchs watching TV.
ask for a change is far too much
: D greetz from south america..."the backyard of the US", as some bastards say.
and for the last...
stop calling urselves americans. we also live in this continent : D
Sick bastard, you should learn to fucking read!... you retard. i'm on your side you fucking idiot. Try this post too: http://aethlos.com/welt/2007/04/contextualizing-dead-teenagers.html
you're such a stupid fuckwad you don't even know your enemies from your friends. Chinga su madre.
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