Join Me In The Prayer Of The Seven African Powers Jesus Candle

I just returned from the south side of Chicago where I was scoping out Reverend Wright's church, and I stopped and bought this magnificent candle on the way home. This is no ordinary candle mind you, it's a Seven African Powers Jesus Candle - "Las Siete Potencias Africanas" (not a five black powers Jesus candle, not a three black powers Jesus candle, but a SEVEN Black Powers Jesus Candle!). The prayer is written on the back of the candle. Please bow your heads, and pray it with me: "Oh Seven African Powers, who are so close to our Divine Savior Jesus Christ - with great humility I kneel before thee and implore your intercession before Almighty God. Hear my petition and grant me peace and prosperity. Please remove forever all of the obstacles that cause me to sin. Oh, Divine Jesus I trust in your words, 'ask and you shall receive'. Amen." (The Seven Black Powers are: Obatalia, Yemalia, Ochum, Chango, Orula, Ogum, and Elegua respectively (if you would like to pray to each one individually)). BLACK JESUS POWER!

Fifth Largest Economy On Earth Legalizes Gay Marriage

Hosannas in the Highest, between today's California Supreme Court Decision, and the return of Indiana Jones, I'm starting to believe there is a God. I can't wait to move to California, where I can marry a movie-nerd and carry a joint in the car. Gay Marriage and Medical Marijuana. Praise Jesus, Allahu Akbar - Civilization hits North America!

There Is A God

May 22nd. I'll be there. UB2!

U.S. State Department Warning

This warning isn't from the State Department, rather about it. I am now in the FOURTEENTH week of waiting for my passport. I paid the extra $60 fee for the 2-4 week service, and everyone at the office swore to me there was no reason to go the $300 'white-glove' route. They said as long as I paid the 2-4 week fee I'd be fine, "don't worry, you'll get it." I had to CANCEL my trip through the Panama Canal because of the lazy, degenerate State Department. Fuck You Uncle Sam. You screwed up my trip. WARNING: If you need a passport within the next six months, apply now. I hate this. Is this really happening to me? Is this a NIGHTMARE, or am I actually TRAPPED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA? Corpus Christi! Someone help me! I want OUT OF THIS COUNTRY IMMEDIATELY! I WANT MY PASSPORT NOW. Fuck Condi, and the entire State Department - you've wrecked my travel plans and trapped me here.

Drop Everything You're Doing And Read This Book Immediately

Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. Leave the office now, or your house, go immediately to the closest bookstore and purchase this book and cancel the rest of your evening and read it before tomorrow. Why do 30% of people buy jam from a jam display with 6 flavors, and only 3% buy when there are 20 flavors to choose from? I bet you didn't know that firing a gun can cause temporary autism, or that holding a pen between your teeth makes cartoons funnier, and holding it between your lips make them less funny. Have you ever taken the Pepsi challenge with three glasses instead of two? Do you know how Cook County Hospital revolutionized heart attack diagnosis by giving doctors far less information rather than far more? This book is about rapid cognition, or "thin slicing". Why have most police departments banned high-speed chases? THIN SLICING IS INFINITELY FASCINATING... it will teach you how a "microexpression" might save your life. (Leo DiCaprio paid a MILLION BUCKS for the movie rights). Drop whatever you are doing, take a day off work, and read this book. You will never look at the world the same way again, and it might actually save your life someday - in a BLINK.

Dan Abrams Reads Yours Truly On MSNBC

I regularly harangue Dan and the MSNBC team, but this is the first time they've been sensible enough to publish a snippet of my editorial. Say my name Dan Abrams! MSNBC RULES. DAN ABRAMS FOREVER. Rachel Maddow is god. Oh, and fuck Chris McKewan. After Hours on MSNBC is a triumph. I pierced the din!

Tidings

“There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.”

Thanks Uncle Sam

I got my gumment check today! And I'm so poor I actually got back more than I paid. Shut up. Sad state of financial affairs for a college kid. CAN I PLEASE MARRY A MILLIONAIRE?

Get Bruce On Demand Now!

If you have Encore On Demand (Chicago Comcast anyway), you can go to Encore; Movies; All Movies; and select GET BRUCE!

Drop What You're Doing A VOTE for my friend RONNIE!

Vote for RONNIE in BOTH categories: (unclick the "sign me up for newletter" before you vote, that's faster)
http://www.logoonline.com/shows/newnownext_awards/vote.jhtml?qn=nnn_poll_05.
PLEASE VOTE FOR RONNIE!:
http://www.logoonline.com/shows/newnownext_awards/vote.jhtml?qn=nnn_poll_05.

Chicago

Photo by Doug Luccio-Camelo

Huge Crush On Rachel Maddow Leads To Addiontional Crush On Paul Shoul

I posted a photo of my Lezbean Goddess & King of MSNBC, Rachel Maddow (whom I adore and worship). Now Paul Shoul emails me to say "hey queen, you nicked my pic!", so I replaced his Maddow photo with another one, but now, of course (fickle me), I have a crush on Paul Shoul. He takes gorgeous pics, and it looks like he's traveled as much as I have. Paul's site is gorgeous, check it out.

What Do You Feel At 3 A.M. When The Dog Awakens Suddenly And Stares Intently Down A Dark Hallway?

... The Gift of Fear, of course. Gavin De Becker's tiny book is an excellent pop psychology classic. Why do people commit violence? What is the chain leading to violence? This book is a marvelous read. Much of it (to someone as sensitive as me) is instinctive, but there's a lot of delicious stuff in here about the violence "process". How to spot dangerous psychopaths: "forced teaming", "loansharking", etc. There are no "gut feelings" (save indigestion), these "feelings" are cognitive processes, and they are deliciously explored in this little book. The eerie aspects of "I promise", etc. Quotations: "the smile is the typical disguise used to mask emotions ... 'niceness' is a decision, a social interaction, not a character trait..." (432 pages/read slowly=3 hours, read fast=2 hours, I read twice through this one in 6 slow hrs. I'm reading about 5 books a week now (2 or 3 on Saturday and 2 or 3 on Sunday)). This post is a mess, get the book.

De Bono's Lateral Thinking Kicks Off My Psych Canon

I'm officially beginning my (pop) psychology education. I'm going to read a 50 work Canon starting with De Bono's "Lateral Thinking". I just finished this book (twice through), and it is fascinating. "Lateral thinking" is not a skill that, once mastered, provides epiphanies. This book is important because it really gets one thinking - about thinking. It gets into the processes of thinking. After this it's on to Freud, Int. of Dreams; Fred Skinner; Gavin De Becker, The Gift of Fear; Eric Berne (Transactional Analysis); Malcolm Gladwell, Blink; Karen Horney; Erik Erikson; Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person; Piaget, Maslow, Gestalt, Steven Pinker; Eric Hoffer, The True Believer; Daniel Goleman; R.D. Laing, The Divided Self: An Existential Study in Sanity and Madness; etc., etc. I'll post a blurb about each book as I read same.

Sex Police Claim Trillionth Victim

Deborah Palfrey, the "D.C. Madam" was found dead today. She apparently hanged herself rather than face a possible 50+ years in prison. This woman didn't even hook, she just introduced the hookers to the law-makers. What a gruesome end to a disgusting witch hunt. She was responsible for getting half of congress blown, and this is the way the law treated her. If any of my gentle readers desire oral sex, give me a brief description of yourself and your type, and I will see if I can hook you up. But no money may change hands. That would make it illegal, and I'm too cowardly (jeez what a pathetic coward I am) to fight The Man. Fuck You Man. I should be able to charge whatever I want for locating blowjobs (free or otherwise) for red-blooded American men. Rest peacefully Deb. You were a personal hero of mine.

How Many Sociopaths Live In Your Building?

"We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people, one in 25, has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in 25 everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt.

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They're more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others' suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.

The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading The Sociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know, someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for, is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game.

It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know."

Farewell Darkness Premieres Friday

This Friday night, 8 PM, at the Gene Siskel film center, come see my silver screen debut. I should still have a scene or two left in this movie, who knows. I'll be the one in the back row of the theater hiding under a large hat and a veil. The director, Dan Pico is a genius; and the lead, Keith Compton, is sexy as hell. Support local cinema!

Another Kooky Christian Fucking Everything Up

I recently admitted that Martin Luther King Jr. has always creeped me out, and now another nutty black pastor has my attention. Wow, this reverend Wright is as whacky as a shithouse rat, but at least he's funny. I was howling at his routine today (it's great schtick - you'd be hard-pressed to write anything this funny). Unlike King (who just creeped me out across the board) reverend Wright only creeps me out intellectually. I really like him on a visceral, actor/comedian level. He's got great delivery, great body language, a great face, and he's really fun to watch (kinda like Julie Andrews, or Hannibal Lecter). I'd party with Brother Jeremiah - what a character. I've just returned from NYC where my Obama hoodie was not such a hit. That's Hillary cuntry out there in fancypantsland. I'm just a simple, white, cowtown gal with a dream. I guess I'm okay with nutty people as long as they're funny, and this guy's a riot. Arabic is a language, not a fucking religion. Whoohoo! Preach it crazy brother J. The truth is: he's no nuttier than any white preacher, so chill out and enjoy the show.

Yo Dumblebore, Sell Your Cane And Feed Somalia

Jesus said: "Take everything you have and give it to the poor and come and follow me and I will make you fishers of men." I often think of how utterly appalled the carpenter from Nazareth, would be by this photo of the Catholic Führer. The unrestrained opulence - layers of golden dresses, red Prada shoes, castles, emerald encrusted necklaces, diamond studded scepters - everything in antagonistic opposition to the substance of Jesus. The pope is as anti-Jesus as it gets. Jesus would fucking vomit if he could see this charade playing out in his name (have any Catholics actually 'read' the bible?) The Catholic Church is an organized conspiracy of idiocy, a fraud, and a war criminal, led by a barking mad lunatic in a Rolex wizard costume. Ah, but the good news my children - just like all evil things - THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS DYING AND IT'S DYING FAST. Shame on anyone who claims to love Jesus, but does not condemn the pope. Jesus of Nazareth and the pope's values are inconsistent and irreconcilable. If that's not crystal clear to someone, they either a) have not read the bible, or b) are a moron. "Hey, dumbfuck in the platinum panties - why don't you sell that 24k gold walking stick and use the money to feed 180,000 starving children? ... you degenerate piece of shit."

My Love For "Miss J." Alexander

The thing I love most about ANTM is watching Tyra hammer the attitude out of the snottier bitches (ultimately it's less about beauty than being a nice person). My second favorite aspect of the show is Ms. J. Alexander. Talk about balls. It takes more courage to appear on television dressed like Miss J than it does to rescue a bag of kittens from a burning building. I'm such a slave to societal pressures (especially when it comes to appearances). I wish I had Miss J's courage. There's an ANTM marathon on today, with Oklahoma Kahlen. Being from Oklahoma, I especially love Broken Arrow Kahlen's quote: "We have shoes in Oklahoma, but nothing like this." Oh shit, gotta run... Tyra Mail! I love you Miss J. Alexander. You're a personal hero of mine. xoxoxo