when they find me dead it won't be suicide

...i'm incapable of suicide... i've tried to get my brain around it... but it is unfathomable... i just don't get it... i can't imagine it... i've never felt anything that would make me contemplate it. i love life - even at its shittiest - i love it more than words can express. i just want that on the record... i watch too many cops and lawyers shows... lol...