nancy grace is a fucking cunt

omg, she finally got hers! schadenfreude! (and what a bizarre coincidence that MY attorney is suing her!, yes, Jay Paul Deratany is representing the family of the woman who Nancy drove to her grave. Go Jay!)

countdown to vegas

i'm so fucking psyched about vegas next week, my dear friend donnie young is loaning me his superfancy digital camera to take with me - so i will be taking pics of the me & the gods - whoopi, billy, robin, BILL MAHER, rita rudner, jon stewart, stephen colbert, sarah silverman, etc. I'm so fucking excited i can hardly stand it... excited to lounge around the green room with celebrities, yes, but far more excited about seeing my baby, BRUCE... i have the hugest crush on bruce, we've never had anything but fun, and i laugh so hard around him that my sides are sore for weeks. i've spent a lot of time with famous people, and powerful people, and hollywood types, but there is something about bruce that is totally different. there is something about the time we spend together that is different. there is an honesty to bruce that i have never encountered anywhere in the hollywood world. when i ask bruce a question, he answers it. bang. that simple. he just answers it. no spin, no angle, no artifice, just honesty. i don't know many people as honest as bruce, and no one as funny. that's a recipe for marriage.

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deliver me from myspace

I fucking hate myspace. It needs to Die. Why u ask? in a nutshell: people who don't know what HTML is should not design web pages. First, it cannot keep me signed in (and SECURITY is such a HUGE issue at Myspace - God forbid someone hack your account, and read all the retarded fucking "Happy St. Patrick's Day" graphics in the interminable comment roll). It can't even auto-fill my password on the FIRST 'sign in screen' (this one appears on the right). When i go to HellSpace it's supposed to have my name & password saved, but it NEVER does, my name is there (on the right), but no password, then i click 'login', and the exact same fucking data fields jump over to the left side and now my password IS there... so i click login again, and get in... then i click on a profile and the person's wacky little eurostile/wingding fonts appear (the crazy ones are never aligned over the actual location that reads the click), then 8 seconds later some massive fucking graphic fills in the background (8 seconds on HIGH SPEED), then the fucking pics start downloading (and messages, like "Just Wanted to Say Hello!"-- from a stranger named Ashlee Simpson) - on all kinds of random levels, pushing everything downward and not letting me scroll anywhere effectively, then on the right all those fucking messages start popping up - where 683 douchebags that the person doesn't even know have embedded massive ANIMATED graphic files just to convey really critical shit like "thanx for the ad [sic]", and they don't use their NORMAL EMAIL ACCOUNTS, nor do they use their MYSPACE EMAIL, but they use the COMMENT section for ongoing conversations - each exchange being a whopping 4 or 5 words (and the comment conversations aren't in neat little vertically compact spaces, rather enormous clunky frames that cannot be condensed vertically like threads and marked with keywords) in other words, "hey stranger thanks for filling up 9 inches of my fucking screen with maudalin creepy hallmark schmaltz that no one wants to see anyway" (or hardcore animated pics of midget autofellatio)... 'and by the way, are you even a real person or a bot or one of 867,443 celebrity impersonators?'... high resolution shit keeps popping up everywhere -- from schmaltz to smut... with the occasional enormous (glassy) eyed kitten, and then we reach Dante's 7th level of hell (eighth pocket) when the REAL nightmare begins - 3 minutes into downloading offensive graphics from total strangers who look like B porn stars (or martha dumptruck) the fucking MUSIC starts. Holy God. make it stop. None of it makes any sense and the mail app sucks shit because they are MASSIVE frames - as large as PAPER ENVELOPES, and clumsy and redundant to extremes, you have to confirm everything you do, twice, and then it still may not even register, and 37 seconds after the (shitty) music starts (yes, i like bonnie tyler, but i don't want to hear total eclipse of the heart right now fuckface) you realize you still haven't even gotten far enough to scroll down to find out where the person lives). THEN i start to get all these friend requests from fat-tittied painted hussie sluts sprawled out on sheepskin rugs and suede sofas, (or dressed like space hookers against synthetic stars) and they have porn star names like Canndi Crack, and Gucci Ravine, and they start flooding my REAL mail box with notifications, "June Beaver has requested..." SHUT UP! DELETE! And the whole application is so fucked up and useless and infuriating it takes me 4 minutes to get to a friend's blog, (it would have been faster if they mailed it to me via US post), so i usually just give up before i read it and i hate that, because i want to keep up with my friend's lives. i can't believe i even use this mockery of a sham of a travesty of a crap-app. and then there's the "pass this to 20 people" chain mails, and the faux-lacivious pseudo-libidinous (imaginary) pussy everywhere-- the origin and motivation of/for which no one can even determine, and there is no "i'm a faggot" setting which simply BLOCKS ALL requests from anyone with a vadge... and NO, i'm not going to add all the necessary macro plug-ins to see your fucking glowing shirt gifs or the graphics from your screamo bullshit "almost signed" garage band's CD cover. the only thing it used to be good for (like Friendscester) was locating, contacting, and fucking all your friends' hot friends (or ex's ex's), but now even that has become too difficult to endure- when it works, IF it works. And now, to make it more closely resemble Hell (if that's possible) it's been purchased by Satan himself - Rupert Murdoch, so your whole LIFE, everyone you know, everything you say, everyone you fuck is all going into a HUGE fox news database which Roop can access 17 years from now when your band is ancient history and you're fighting for custody rights. (tony snow knows whom you're fucking). and there are the stalkers, and the junk mail, and the uneven loads, and the TOTAL LACK OF A FEATURE which would allow anyone to SCRUB all the FORMATTING from all the profiles - i.e.: "TEXT ONLY" so it didn't take 54 minutes to get through 2 profiles (if you don't get stuck in any of them) because schmucks who have no idea how to design for the web think those 18'' graphic files at NINE HUNDRED DPI are PERFECT for the background of a homepage PERFECT! (because you can see every hair in the unicorn's tail!) and how long would it take someone with dial-up to d/l those profiles?, it's all just such a nightmare... i should get a fucking spine and delete the thing... and stick to friendster. Myspace is so fucking insane and i can't say enough terrible things about myspace... god i fucking hate it with a passion.... MySpace must DIE. Am I the only one who feels this way?? I know daniel - you like it, but you've somehow figured out how to work it. Daniel, Jayne, and Angela keep their blogs on myspace... sadly Daniel, Jayne, and Angela are the blogs i least often read. POSTSCRIPT!: in response to my frustration DANIEL has REVIVED his NORMAL blog! CHECK IT OUT!!!

iron pyrite

...1 of the critics who came 2 my show has a delicious blog called fool's gold coast... so fucking rare to find language this vivid... and his quasi-misanthropy is especially refreshing... he gave me a pretty bad review ('part of the show served no purpose but to "show off my intelligence"' (which, of course, i took as a kind of compliment)), but he writes killer prose, check it out... i sat around w/alan this morning, he mixed a podcast, & i read about 20 blogs, & got caught up on andy's, todd's, chiron's, adrian's, et. al., also watched lot's of stupid cable news... ick...